Reflections on my First Threesome

originally written 2/21/2016

So the way that I felt at the party and the Monday after when I went to your house was like all I had to do was be and enjoy. I didn’t have to think so much. Of course there was a thought process going on but it wasn’t riddled with all the little things that go on in my head. I’m wondering if that is what subspace is for me. Not a place to retreat from what I’m experiencing in that moment but a place to retreat to where I don’t have to think so much. When I got to Zoe’s house, ready to have some fun and get in that mood again. I know that I should have sat down on the bed and not on the chair because I felt like the center of attention which put me off a bit. It was really hard for me to concentrate on what you were saying and responding. It took me back to where I needed to think again. So I had a really hard time throughout the night, keeping my head quiet. I enjoyed the process of putting on the collar. The anticipation and the quiet was very nice. I think afterwards I was a little worried that there were some protocols that I was going to do wrong because I didn’t know about them. I know that you would tell me but the questioning was still there. I loved the rope. I loved watching you work with it and it was a calming process. Taking pictures isn’t the easiest thing for me to do. It’s the classic “photographer on the other side of the lens”. I think too much about it. Clothes pins were nice. I love the knife play and the claws. The way you had Zoe and I set up on the bed was awesome. After a while my arms started going numb and I had to shift them. I liked the music. I think you were right to give us a break. My legs were tired from sitting like that. I wanted more but I think I would have taken myself too far with it. I loved listening to you talk about how fun it was for you. The shackles were fun. I had a harder time with the beating when I had the blindfold on. Probably because I didn’t have anything visual to focus on. I did like it when the two of you were playing with me. I loved having that sense taken away. The gag made me feel like I needed to be quiet. I’m not sure about that yet. When I was in that position, I wanted Zoe to go harder on me. It was too soft and sensual for me to get off. I think this is the main reason why I’m not entirely attracted to women. I love that a guy can fuck me so hard my pussy will be swollen. Sensual is nice in the beginning and afterwards but I want to be fucked hard and I have this idea in my head that a women would be very sensual. That’s why I’m not sure if I’m attracted to Zoe sexually. Using the hitachi on her was really interesting for me. I loved being able to see what made her feel good and being able to make her cum was really rewarding for me. And I loved that you were right there watching and helping out. Giving you a blow job with her was really fun. And watching her fuck you. And her watching me fuck you. When you had me doggy style with us in a semi 69 position I’m not sure if she was even really doing anything. I guess there was already too much sensation down there. But I enjoyed fingering her during it. Watching you fuck her from behind though was fucking awesome. It was a huge turn on for me to see how fucking turned on you were. That goes for the whole night. And cum in my mouth just makes me super fucking happy. Cuddling afterwards was amazing with all 3 of us together. I felt awkward at the end because I felt like I should have been helping clean up but didn’t know what to do and didn’t want to mess anything up. Again, thinking too much.
I really enjoy Zoe as a person. I like how creative and nurturing she is.

On the drive home, I think I just went through everything over and over again. Trying to process it. When I got in bed all I wanted was to be near you. I felt a little lonely. I kept thinking about the night before when I snuck you in.

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